


And then she wondered..

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Marauders' Era, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-05-02
Updated: 2008-05-02
Packaged: 2019-01-19 15:33:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12412998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: Lily wonders about the recent events. James gives his opinion, but does it make it worse or better?





	And then she wondered..

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

Disclaimer: I do not own anything. The characters, the songs, the book. nothing. No benefit is coming out of the fanfiction.

 

 

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Author's note: I suggest listening to this songs while reading: Stop and Stare - One republic / So Happy Together - The turtles / Miracle - Cascada

**Hard critisim is extremely encouraged.**

 

 

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Lily had been sitting in the common room for a while as she watched the waterdrops pour by the window. It was a cold winter day and rain has made its presence notice all day long. Even though the fireplace was still vivid, she felt the cold penetrate her bones. She got together a little bit more to try to keep warm.

She tied her hair into a ponytail, and while she did so, a cold breeze reached her body, and went all the way through till her cheeks, causing her to shudder. She watched around the common room to see who was left.. Not many people, but still a considerable amount..

– Maybe I should go get my coat– she thought.

She got up, wishing she had remembered bringing something warmer in the first place, so she didn’t have to trouble, risking the comfortable spot she was already in.

Lily cursed under her breath. Why would everything go wrong that day? Couldn't the chances be on her side for once? It was a silly thing to be upset for, but that day hadn’t been good at all. Quidditch day, you see. The first match of the season and the most anticipated one. Gryffindor vs. its old known enemy, Slytherin. The game had been expected to be dirty, but oh the gryffindors were surprised. Violent tricks, no respect for anyone, incredebly noticiable curses and even hexes, all over the snake’s side. “Victory at all costs” they said.

The Gryffindor stands (And a lot of profesors) shouted furiously every 5 minutes or so waiting for the arbiter to penalty anyone from the green team, or at least to call for any of the faults, but deaf ears ware made by the supposed-to-be neutral pacifier.

Bloody noses, broken arms, scratched faces, unidentifided wounds causes by spells and black eyes were the popular trend on the lion’s team. Not one of them had been capable of coming out of the game perfectly healthy and in "one-piece". But still, nothing big. Nothing unfixable. But it was enough to make a certain hazel-eyed captain go completely mad.

 

– _What where you doing all that time, Lil?_ –

 

Walking up the stairs, she made her way to her room. In the bottom of her bed was her trunk, where she got her winter coat. As she took it, a smile appeared on her face.

– Much better – She thought when she put it on. She went back again to the common room and it only took her a few steps down to notice that her seat was already taken, like she expected it to be, but the common room had emptied a little bit, so it wouldn’t be too much trouble to search for a new comfortable spot. There were a lot of choices, but she chose a large somewhat hidden couch near the fireplace.

She walked to the target, that appeared to be empty, but looking closer, there was the same hazel eyed captain, asleep, without using his usual glasses. He had messier hair than normal and and he was laying there, using all the couch to himself, with a peaceful and almost angelic look on his face. After all what happened, she did not know what do to next.

 

_Why weren’t you using the scarf I gave to you? Weren’t you cheering for us? Lily? What happened? Answer me!_

 

They had obviously lost the match, not by much, though, but it still hurt. James had caught the precious little golden snitch, but Slytherin had made emphasis not in searching for the snitch, but for scoring and hurting the opposing team, all by cheating, of course. It had ended with a close 350 to 280.

At first it seemed that they did not planned to do all the cheating, but they were desesperated to score, and once the saw that brutality over talent actually worked, they did not stop.

Lily stood in the stsnds breathless. She wasn’t a big fan of Quidditch, being muggle-born and all. A nice book and a sweet cup of coffee where her definition of a perfect evening, but that day she concentrated so hard to understand and keep up with everything that happened. But it was too fast. Hit by hit, score by score, fault by fault.

She wasn’t wearing her crimson and golden scarf, not because she wasn't cold (Because she was), but because she wanted to feel neutral in such a competitive environment.

Before she went down to the Quidditch pitch, she walked alone through the Great Hall searching for her friends, so they could walk all together to the game, but there were a pair of yet black eyes that found her first. Those eyes did not show evilness, but regret. And before anyone could see what was happening the owner of those disturbing eyes grabbed strongly the redhead, and dragged her to a corner of the hall.

– What the hell? – Lily thought, and she tried to say them, but no words would come out. The shock and fear went all through her body.

She felt the perpetrator let her go, and the first thing she did was turn around inmediately and face the person, who turned out to be surprise.  
At the begginig, she was impacted, but then after pulling together everything, anger took over her and the next thing that was happening is the Gryffindor slapping the one who forced her to the corner.

He didn't show any reaction to the slap.

– What the fuck do you think you're doing? – She said. Glad that she could finally take the words out of her mouth

– We both know this is the only way you would talk to me – Severus Snape replied. His face was whiter than usual and his hair dirtier. Black circles under his eyes were contrasting the pale look. He looked demacrated and exhausted.

– Really? I thought the reason we don't talk is because you don't want your lovely friends see you talking to someone like me. –

–You know that's not it. –

–Do I, Snape? Really?–

–Lily, I just wanted to say.. –

–Don't waste your breath. It's not worth it.– She turned her face away as she said those words. She tried to speak with a strong tone, so he could advice that she was serious.

–Come on, Lily, please. I know I've said this a lot lately, but I'm so sorry. You are my best friend. And I know you dislike Rossier or Vocovik or any of the ones I hang out with.. –

– Are you serious? Dislike? **Dislike?** It's actually more than just dislike, Snape! They hate me. I've done nothing to the, so all I've got left is to return the feelings.

–They don't hate you, they just don't understand. You don't understand, either.–

–You're defending them.– She said with a nod, like trying to convince herself that he was, in fact, defending them. – Did you really get that low? –

–They've got their reasons to believe what they do. I've got reasons, too.–

–Oh, so I'm supposing, then, that you've also participated in the last events to support your reasons, right? I mean, we all know that neither Rossier or Black have the brains to think of such creative pranks, right? But really c'mon. Who in earth wouldn't want a bloody dead rat on their backpack getting dirty all their books, or even! Getting harrased all the way to the transfiguration room, such nice company! Filthy mudblood seems to be my last nickname, you know? They think it suits me very well.–

–Lily, I know, I'm sorry! I tried to stop them but they wouldn't listen..–

–Geez, thank you for your heroism. Remember me to give you a medal of some sort..–

–Stop it, will you? I don't even know why are you so mad at me! I didn't gave them the idea, alright? I'm not like them, you should know that.

–Oh god– She got out a sigh– You've changed so much, Severus. I don't even know who you are anymore! Sometimes I feel like you've even thought about becoming .. you know what!

–I'm changed? I have changed? –He said, avoiding the statement the redhead made about becoming a Death Eater. His face went red and he began to raise his voice as he said– You're such an hypocrit, Evans. What about you, huh? I saw you the other day with Potter! You hated him! You wanted to take off his eyeballs! What happened to our plans to make his life hell? Besides hanging out with Black and Lupin. I didn't know you had a fetiche for dogs and werewolfs, Lily. That's new.–

–What the hell are you talking about! They're my friends! They're the only friends I've got left! When I'm with James, Sirius and Remus I can be myself! I don't have the fear to be called a mudblood or a whore when I'm with them! They're not afraid of being with me because of who I am. Just a cheap mudblood.–

–YOU'RE NOT A MUDBLOOD. And stop saying that! –

–Remember that you thought so too in 5th grade! I remember things, Severus! I have a good damn memory! I remember you calling me a dirty mudblood when I was defending you!–

–Then you remember the circumstances! Your shitty boyfriend and his sidekick against one! Bravo for that cowardly Gryffindor act!–

–You know what? Fuck you, Severus! James is so much better now than you'll ever be! He cares about me! He's a gentleman and he chose me! He chose the correct path rather than the easy one! The one who's a fucking coward is you!–

–Don't you fucking dare to call me a coward! DON'T YOU DARE TO COMPARE ME TO POTTER!, EVANS! You don't know who you're talking with–

–Yes, I am! Just a scared little kid who hides behind his big buddies! At least James stands for himself! And while he does that, he stands for me, too! Something you never did and never will! –

–Listen, you prat! –He took a step closer to her – I'm the one who's always been there for you! Not Potter, not Black, not Lupin, not anyone! I'm the one that has seen you cry! I am! I am your true friend! I am the ona that truly cares about you, and what do you do? You reject me! You're such an ungrateful bitch! – He screamed.

Without a word, Lily turned the other way, and began to run towards the pitch, she couldn't stand to watch the guy who had been her friend for so long to turn into a monster..

But before she entered to the stands, she threw away her scarf. It had been a gift from James in last Christmas. With teary eyes and shaky hands, she made her way to the top, where she thought her friends were.

The game had started about 30 minutes ago and they were already losing 130-020.

Once she found them, they started asking why she looked so upset, why she had swollen eyes, why she wouldn't talk about it. What happened? Did the Slytherins do something, again? Was her family ok?

She hated the questions. She hated being the source of concern. Why? Why her? Why her of all people had to be chosen to be a muggleborn in a world that half of the population hated her? And even why, why was there a person who hated all her "kind"? They haven't done anything to him. Why did she had to face the consequences of something she didn't do? So many things she did not understand, and yet, was forced to live through them and not knowing what was going to happen next. She knew that she was in danger. In constant danger. She and her family were.

All game she was silent. Thinking about what just happened, and what she should do next. Was ok to tell her friends? They would get upset, of course. They have told her to never be alone in the castle, and specially if it's empty. Besides, they were really protective of her. They would probably kick Snape ass till death, and the least thing she wanted is for her friends to get in trouble. Should she tell her family about the actual status of the magical dimension? No, defintly not. She wanted to keep being a witch, and she didn't want to get her parent preocuppated unnecessarily. She knew that if she told her family about it, they would force her to hide until all danger was gone. Should she tell James? For the past months, he has always been there for her. A really nice, huge change from all the other years. Would he get mad, knowing that he's sensitive to the matter? Would he be nice, and offer support? He had been indifferent in the subject, when she talked about it with her friends. He wouldn't say anything, and maybe he'll be in that occasion too.

She did a lot of thinking that game.

When it ended, she didn't (again) know what to do. James was furious, you could see it right through, well, everything. His face was red from yelling, eyebrows furrowed, hands in fists, and walking directly to the showers, without talking to anyone.

Slytherins and most of Ravenclaws were cheering and yelling, and trash talking the gryffindors. But she didn't care. She was numb, she walked and didn't know where, she talked and didn't know why, she looked and she didn't know what.

But she did know that James was the only option she got left, and even the chances were still fifty vs. fifty, it was worth to risk them.  
She said goodbye to her friends, and told them that she would be in the Tower in no time, but that first she had something to do.

The redhead waited for him outside the showers, impatiently. It didn't take much time for him to get out of the room with a much refreshed look. He seemed more quite than before, but still somewhat irritated.

–James?– She said, a little bit nervous

–Oh, Lily. What are you doing here? Shouldn't be in the common room with everyone else?– He said, confused.

–Yes, I'm going there.. I just wanted to know If you were okay. I mean, after everything and all.. –

–I've been better– He said with a smirk

–Oh! That's good, that's good– She said looking at her feet.

–You seem concerned about something. Is everythig okay? –

–Eh? No, no.. i'm fine.. I just have a light headache. Let's walk to the common room.–

– Alright, but maybe you should go to the hospital wing –

–You should too. That black won't go anywhere for a couple of days if you don't –

– I'll be fine – He said with a smile

– Sure you will – She said, also with a smile

– I wanted to ask you something, now that I remember– He said

– Sure – She replied with a low voice.

– Er, are you sure you're fine? It's me the one that was almost beaten to death and you look worse than me. –

–No.. no I'm fine.. Ask me–

– _What where you doing all that time, Lil?_ I mean, you got here after 45 minutes since the game started.. And it was weird.. since everyone else was already here and you were the only one absent–

She did not respond, but he continued

– And besides, _why weren’t you using the scarf I gave to you?_ It's freezing cold. You're going to catch a cold, and noone wants you to be sick! Remember last time? 2 weeks in the Hospital wing, Lil. I mean, no one but you could get so sick with a simple cold.. –

Again, all she did was walk towards the castle as he spoke.

– And you were weird in the stands.. I know you don't like Quidditch, but at least in all the other games you yelled when someone scored.. _Weren’t you cheering for us?_ –

–You sure notice a lot of things.. –

–Of course I do! – He said – If I don't do that, Hogwarts would be a mess. With Sirius and all.. –

She didn't reply. She wondered how in hell, after that kind of game, where he got beaten up, he could be so talkative and happy. He looked like he was ready to murder someone after it was over, and now he was back his usual self. She got upset after everything, and it took time to get over it, and he after, what? 20 minutes? Could be normal all again.

– Lily? _Lily? Something happened?_ _Answer me!_ –

– What? – She said,

– You are weird. What's wrong?–

– I.. uh.. –

She wanted to tell him, but how to say it? "Snape abducted me to a dark corner and said I was a ungrateful bitch" "Well, you see, Snape came over and I slapped him. No biggie." "A slytherin trash confronted me but I took care of it! Now I need you to finish the dirty work"  
Ohh, decisions, decisions, decicions.

– It's just Severus.. you know?–

–What did the asshole do now?–

–He kind of.. er, pushed me to a side, and he said some things..–

–What did he said, Lily? I swear, if he did anything to you, I'm so going to..–

–No! No, no. He didn't do anything.. physically. It's just that he worries me.. He's changed so much over the years! I don't know what to do.. And now he said things that really hurt me. –

–Are you still worried about that bastard? –

–And how you expect me to be? It's not like I can forget all the years we were friends from night to morning–

–Yes, but you know how he's getting closer and closer to Voldemort's side everytime you see him–

–James! He's not going to do that! He's not like the other ones! –

–How can you be so sure? He did called you a .. you know what two years ago! What do we know if he speaks like that constantly with his friends! –

– He doesn't. –

–And why are you so concerned anyway? That bastard shouldn't be worrying you. He's shit, anyway! –

–James! I can't believe you're acting so childish! He's my friends.. He sure got a little bit carried away..–

–Lily, listen to yourself! You're defending someone who serves to a person who wants you dead! How can you not understand that? This is war, Lily! We're about to graduate! We have only one year left, and you still believe that he's going to change? He's just like all the other Slytherins! Damn snakes, that's what they are! –

–James, STOP! You of all people! I expected you to support me, not judge me! Besides, since when do you think all this? I've never saw you talking about the subject.–

–Since forever, Lily. I just didn't say it in front of you. And I'm not judging you! I'm just stating facts! He's not going to straighten up!–

–I really thought you would understand me! Sirius grew up in the same enviroment, and he's not like you say Severus is. –

–Sirius chose to be who he is. Snivellus is only hiding behind Voldemort beucase he's too afraid of being to our side. –

–Well, it may look like he's into the Dark Side, but he's not! –

–How in hell can you be so naive? I thought you were smart, Lily! Don't you get it? He chose Voldemort over you! If he had done the contrary, he wouldn't be afraid to talk to you in the public eye! Why do you think he chose a time when the castle was empty? Why do you think he won't look at you in the eye–

–But James.. –

–No, Lily! This time there are no buts! He's not going to straighten up! Because he's a coward. Expected from Slytherin, I must add!–

They've already reached the Gryffindor Tower.

–So, that's your final opinion? People can't change? They stay the way they are forever?–

–Yes–

–But you changed. You changed too, James. You were annoying and childish and didn't care about other's people feelings..– She said, trying to convince herself rather than James.

–I haven't changed all that much, you know? I'm still childish, and according to Sirius, I'm still annoying. You were only focused in my bad atributtes rather than in the good ones, so it's obvious that in your point of view I changed. It's not the same with Snape.–

She sighed out of frustration. The fat Lady asked for secret word, so James answered. Once they entered, they saw all their friends sitting in couches, talking about the previous match.   
Lily saw this, and decided that she wasn't in the mood to talk about Quidditch

–Whatever, James, I'm going to my room.– She said as she walked up the stairs.

–Fine– She heard him say in a low voice.

She reached her room and closed the door quitely and laid in her bed. Thinking about all things that happened that day.

Was Severus really on the Dark side? Or was he acting, and he was indeed Lily's friend? Who was he now? Was James right? Could people change?

So many thoughts that evening went through her head, and time flew pass by.

 

When she came back to earth, she realized that it was 8:30pm. Dinner was already over, and her stomach was complaining on the lack of food.  
No one was in her room. Where were her friends? In an attempt to search for them, she went down to the common room, and at the sight of a nice sofa by the window, she couldn't resist the temptation on such a rare occasion. Most of the time, all the good spots were already being used.

So there she sat. And watched the rain fall.

 

 

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–Lily? What are you doing?– A sleepy James said. He opened one eye first, and he saw the redhead watching him with an shocked look.

–Eh, what? Oh, I'm sorry I woke you up.–

–You didn't wake me up. I was just resting my eyes. Long day, huh?– He said with a smirk.

–Yeah– A smile appeared across her face.

–So, you dissapeared and missed dinner. I suppose you were in your room?–

–Yeah. I did a lot of thinking, you know?–

–You made your friends worry.–

–I'll apologise later.–

–I know you will, but now sit here with me –

–What?–

–Please?–

–Er.. –

–Come here– Said James while he stood up and sat straight in the couch. Lily did so. And James put his arm around her.

–You do know I'll never leave you, right?–He said.

–I know– She put her head in his shoulder, and then a lonely tear escaped from her eye. And she closed her eyes.

 

 

 

 

 

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